closed head injury michigan

Okay, so I realise that no one really wants to know about my worries and fears and crap, but well I need to get this off my chest and I canapos;t tell my mother anything anymore as it just goes straight back to her psychiatrist of a boyfriend... Seriously Not productive towards the whole trust thing.

But yeah, I was told off by my doctor the other day for not taking my Lithium to control my Bipolar... But I donapos;t want to take it. For one, Iapos;m not convinced I have Bipolar (Psychology is such a wooly science) and I sonapos;t think it actually makes a difference, but also, I think a tiny part of me is in denial, I figure if I can lie and convince myself that I donapos;t have Bipolar, then it will become the truth and I wonapos;t have to lie to medical school when (and lets be honest now, theyapos;re gonna ask) they ask if I have any medical issues. See, they wonapos;t let me become a doctor if they think I am unstable. Which Iapos;m not. I just, donapos;t want to take the damn tablets. Plus they give me heartburn and well I took enough Chemistry lessons to learn that there arenapos;t any suitable tablets to take to get rid of the damned thing. Stupid Lithium. Decent song, crappy reality.

Any people that seem to think Bipolar is a glamourous illness need to get a grip on reality. Do you know how many fanfictions and just general stories I have read that seem to glamorize the damned illness? Some you can just tell were written by pre-teens who read up on Bipolar when they heard Britney Spears or whoever had the damned, stupid illness. Why people assume it canapos;t be that bad I donapos;t know. I mean, Iapos;m just pissed off with the tablets, and thatapos;s not even starting on whether or not I actually do have Bipolar....

I know I should take the Lithium again, but because it has been over two months since I last took them (yeah yeah, I know....) I will have to have the old weekly blood tests and blood pressure monitors again. Which is tedious and well draining. They do seem to take an excessive amount of blood. Yeah I know the reason why, but it doesnapos;t stop me from grumbling about it...

I just suppose I donapos;t want to have Bipolar... Not that thatapos;s a shocker, Iapos;ve yet to meet anyone sane who wants to be Bipolar.... I want to be a doctor, and I have an illness that looks like it may stop me from achieving my dream. Which is unfair if you ask me.

So yeah, Iapos;m moaning because apos;oh woe is me, life is cruelapos;, and I do know that I have it good compared to some, I just think at the moment, the some are looking a bit sparse from where Iapos;m standing. I mean, I should be lucky that I have a roof over my head (though that may not be an issue soon, if the mortgage company have anything to say about it.) and something to eat (again, that is only when I actually have enough money to eat) but well, Iapos;m not. And I want to moan about it.

Please, by all means ignore this, or rant at me for being a moany, selfish bitch or whatever.... I just needed to get this off my chest or else I;m not gonna sleep for a looong time.

Cheers

Ate
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